'The New Me'?

I've noticed some things in myself that seem to have changed gradually over the last few years. I'll see if I can talk about it in a way that will make sense. (I guess that seems to be my quest generally - more of a problem when I'm actually talking in person and even more of a problem on the phone . . .)

So, I've never been the most . . . 'vocal' person around. I tend to be what some people would call 'shy,' though that's not normally how I would have characterized myself (for some reason). So, in seeking ways to serve people on a regular basis, I found a way that worked for me that wouldn't involve that kind of personal interaction that I've traditionally been less comfortable with: I write notes to people that 1) I really, deeply respect for one reason or another or that 2) I sense seem to be down, in need of some kind of comfort for some reason or another - whether I happen to know the reason or not. These notes are anonymous, and it's really something that's made me feel good to do. (I think there's something exciting, too, about sneaking around, sometimes early in the morning or whatever, putting notes on people's doors without anyone knowing about it.)

I've actually set up a 'system' for myself where I will keep track of who 'needs' a note (based on my observations) and when I write notes to whom, so I'm sure to do it for everyone that I've been impressed to do it for, while not skipping or repeating. Lately I haven't been super good at getting those out like I'd like (usually, it was every month or two that I would sit down and write six or eight notes at a time).

But then again, I've found myself changing. I imagine it has something to do with my calling as ward clerk, where I have the excuse/opportunity/challenge/whatever of meeting the people that move into the ward - and also, part of my job is to watch over the ward for the bishop (since I actually live around the ward members) and help him understand who needs what kind of help, etc. So that, and I'm sure other things - people I've associated with in different situations, etc. -, has made me a more 'vocal' person (i.e., I talk to people in situations where I don't have to). And I've found it very fulfilling.

A few months ago at work, I was going by the office of my boss's boss, Dwayne, and I had a simple but strangely eye-opening realization. I should explain the background for that realization. So, Dwayne seems like a nice enough guy, but he's just a little . . . 'gruff,' I guess. I know he lost a ton of weight in chemotherapy for I don't know exactly what (what kind of cancer, I mean), and he's got a deep gravelly voice, and he just doesn't smile a whole lot. When he comes over to talk to my boss or any of the full-time guys, he's never seemed to really even acknowledge that the students exist (which is especially strange for me, since I'm now the longest-employed student in my department, and I've worked in pretty much every area of the warehouse (i.e., I can do everybody else's job, too); in other words, I'm used to being kind of important, or at least I can answer pretty much anyone's question about what's going on in Central Receiving).

Anyways, walking by his office that one morning, I had a serious thought in a kind of light-hearted way, something like "What a grumpy old man; I'll bet he would be a lot happier if he were nicer to people . . ." I don't think my thought was really that direct or that . . . vindictive (or something); it was just a casual, passing thought. But then I had the meaningful insight: I'll bet if someone were nicer to this lonely old man, he would prove not to be so mean after all. I'll bet he has more important things to be thinking about than learning the names of all the part-time employees that he will see in passing maybe five minutes a month and who will probably leave the job after three months anyways(!).

And it turns out - of course - I was right! I've made it a point to say "hi" to him every time I'm passing his office to pick up my paperwork, and he seems so happy to have someone who acknowledges his existence for a reason other than to talk about his business stewardship. And he quickly learned my name (again, I don't know, but I doubt he had any idea what it was before I started talking to him), and he's all smiles, and it's just great to see him and talk to him and share an occasional moment that's day-brightening for both of us.

There are a few other examples I can think of, but that's the big one. I really feel different about what kind of things I can do, and I'm happy about it.