On Baby Names

Today’s three baby blessings got me thinking about baby names. So here are my tentative rules on making that most significant of choices.

Rule #1

No words that mean stuff.

Of course, Priya = sweetheart (or whatever it means) isn’t what I’m talking about here. I mean, words that mean stuff to everyone.

For example: Ocean, Winter, Apple, Tag, Hunter, Rain.

I mean, it’s just silly. Even if you for some reason associate your child with that thing (price tag, anyone?), it’s just not doing anyone any favors. If it means something, it’s not okay.

Rule #2

No ridiculous spellings.

Family names tend to cause people enough trouble anyway. There’s no reason to add “character” with silly spellings.

For example: Whyiat (for Wyatt), Justan (for Justin), Ceighteigh (for Katie—and yes, that’s a real-life example).

The kids themselves will be confused when learning to spell, teachers and other adults will be confused when trying to pronounce. And when the kids grow up they ought to have better things to do than wonder how their parents came up with the strange spelling of their names.

Rule #3

No awkwardly gender-neutral names.

The draw here is obvious: pick the name, then have the baby. Perfect match every time!

Except it’s tough enough to deal with gender identity stuff in today’s world. Why add to the confusion?

For example: Taylor, Jamie, Jordan, Tracy, Adrian.

I’m sure we could all name plenty of people with such names that have gone on to lead happy, successful lives. But deep down, I’m sure they’ve all struggled, right?


Now, maybe at some point I’ll come up with some rules that are actually productive... This is just what happened to come to mind today.